stereotype lust

Sometimes I can't get to sleep at night so I watch movie previews on apple.com.

Tonight I saw several great previews, but the one that stuck in my head was for a generic action flick called "never back down". It is like "fast and the furious" but for really rich, high school, martial arts, fighters. I had this strange urge to live in that world, which seemed a mix of a slick Las Vegas ad, the OC and, well every other action movie with a low action to plot ratio I've ever seen. I wanted high power, huge wealth, a perfect body while I drive a ferrari or hummer with hundreds of only hot young people around me..... and then I get to that part of the stereotype about the blond, size 00 girlfriend. But, I'm gay. So even if I trade that element for a different gender, the whole thing still starts to fall apart.

Any difference in what is a totally artificial reality, needs to be checked against the paradigm that fantasy came from, and I do not fit. I'm your suburban white guy in good shape in my 20's from a good family, but I do not fit that reality. And as that urge starts to destabilize, I recall many other things I like that wouldn't fit; like literature, conversation, social justice, living community, working for my money and being happy.

The urge to fill whatever stereotype presented to me may never go away. But I'm glad that at my core, I'll never be able to fit them anyway.