I am so gay

You may have noticed that most of my recent posts have focused on my sexuality. This is not to indicate that the rest of my attributes are being ignored, far from it as I continue to unfold into a dynamic world changer.

However, I have started a process of working on my core, and my faith and my sexuality are right at the center. The two are so culturally at odds though that, even though they are interwoven parts of my core, each has been damaged by internalizing this ridiculous culture war between them. I wish I had a partner, family or good gay friends I could talk to about all this. In the meantime, I talk with a few friends, my therapist and this blog about this internal reformation. I long used the term "bridge" when talking about the divide. I have bridged the gap, but it is not good enough! My faith and my sexuality are my core and are meant to collide, to become interwoven together into one strand.

The world I am wrestling through is changing and boy am I excited! It's about fucking time! Years behind the modern world, it is legal to marry in California and now legal to marry in Massachusetts even if out of state. There are high profile gay athletes like Mitcham the Australian Diver set to medal next month. Daniel Craig suggested that the 007 secret agent should be portrayed as a bisexual saying, "Why not? I think in this day and age fans would have accepted it. No-one blinks an eye". Movies are being made like "For the Bible Tells Me So," "Camp OUT," "Trembling Before God," "Jihad of Love," "Save Me" and Craig himself will play the bisexual Roman ruler in "Memoirs Of Hadrian". After far too long, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is undergoing hearing on how utterly ridiculous it is. The world is ready for the bigotry to end.

Part of me is still twisted up inside after years of self loathing, twisted reality and unfounded guilt. I pray so strongly that my pain will not go wasted, but that it can help prevent others from inflicting their fear and hatred on another child. I know it may take time and that many more innocent children will be abused in the name of God.

I never quite understood when I was little why swearing was so terrible, not that I ever did. Now I know that "taking the Lord's name in vain" is doing something in the name of God that is not of him; such as homophobia, racism, sexism and countless other times that good Christians have slandered God's creation.

This blog is not composed, it is not highly edited, I do not plan much of the structure and I do not rewrite much before publishing. It is my diary wide open. There are of course things I keep private, but in general I strive to live my life raw, exposed and free.