Sleep

This is not something I just read about that is very educational. It is just me spouting because I am sleepy and somehow incredibly emotional right now.

A big part is timing. I just finished the quarter with much of the work pushed to the end because of a stressful beginning and distracting middle. The beginning of the quarter was stressful because of the new work responsibilities, wanting it to be perfect and wanting my other projects to succeed, including the HRC dinner. Following that, Matt and I dated for awhile which was distracting. It wasn't that dating during school is bad or anything, but it flared up so quickly and then took awhile to sink in that it wasn't working (despite shared interests, etc). So that and the nature of the quarter left big projects to the end, just finished up late last week. Then, work is stressful again. I now have the things I was taught down pat, except they are not good enough and I'm frustrated knowing that things can be improved, but not knowing quite where to start and feeling so isolated with a boss that is amazing, but very active and co-workers that are quiet and in the office very briefly as they go about getting homes built. I'm lonely and could go the whole day talking for 2 minutes. Add in that the housing market is not great and I understand why every day lately I feel a gloom over my head at the office instead of the sun coming in through the massive skylight above my head.
Speaking of sun, it is cold. Really cold. My drafty apartment is vastly improved thanks to my friend Julian's suggestions on weather proofing (she is from MN) and 2 new space heaters (one from Cheramie). But I still live over an empty space which is like living above a refrigerator and my walls/roof do not have much (any?) insulation. And this year... no trip to warmer climates to cheer up and forget my worries. I am going to Portland to see a man friend which will be fantastic, but Oregon is not exactly Palm Springs (07) or the Caribbean (06). Still, it is nice to have a man friend to visit and have visit and so on, but even that can be a bit sad like today after the weekend is over.

And to tie all these things together... post-fun, post-school stress, mid-work stress, mid-cold snap... I woke up really early. Anyone who knows me very long knows I hate mornings. There are many great traits I have, mornings are not one of them. So, I am an emotional wreak of sorts feeling weirdly vulnerable.
BUT, to put the important silver lining on it... I have the prospects of a good night ahead, my research paper got good overall feedback (it passed!), my work meeting tomorrow will help guide next steps, winter break has officially arrived and most of all, I do not need to wake up really early any time soon. aaahhh.