Today was "Earth Gay" and after 1/2 the service team canceled last minute and 3/4 of the afterparty guests no-showed, after the bar did not understand our needs and I see not how to change this pattern of flightiness in my friends and contacts, I'm upset.
It seems that just going with what already exists, what is easy... that is how to enjoy life. I spent so many hours, social capitol and money on today for what? I could answer this with the 3 raised gardens we built for a youth rehab center, the habitat restoration the other team did and the great conversations had by the more intimate group. I feel depleted and depressed with no prospects that the work I put out will pay back.Why am I needy like this? Needy of affirmation that what I do matters. Needy of income to support myself. Needy of finishing school successfully. Needy of loving life and not waiting to enjoy it until it is too late.
No comments:
Post a Comment