Preemptive mistrust

Recently, I have been working under various assumptions regarding interpersonal relations, all with a decidedly negative connotation. A team member from my school project wrote a few lines which inferred quite negative things which I took to heart and now have little desire to speak with him. Many friends have been flaky, unavailable and canceling at the last minute making me wonder as to whether my impression of the depth of our friendship is as strong as I supposed. My work has been a challenge to gauge with my being away so much so I was nervous that perhaps I am not living up to their expectations.

In an effort toward greater transparency, despite many obvious risks associated with it, I wanted to mention these and how they were largely preemptive and based on miscommunication and idealized expectations on my part.

The team member, for all his candor, was being open about his feelings and though I foresee great drama in coming to a resolution, I must respect his position and not avoid him. I have certainly not done this in the past with contractors, tenants or other situations and I should not now, even if the relationship is less defined.

My friends may not all regard me in the same way as I do them, it is only natural. Nor should I assume though, that there are not factors like moving, personal challenge and even differences in style to account for the sudden shifts in communication. Friendships move in phases and as such are prone to misunderstandings that can create as much divide as there was union. It is on me to maintain, not them to reunite. After all, how likely is it that they feel the same way with how I have managed my time this past year.

And with work, it is not my job to worry, only to do my best and assume the best in my employer or client. Despite what I know are my shortcomings, they have always, even in a phone call today, thanked me for my work and appreciate me. Even the evil boss of many years back that forced me out for being gay acknowledged my good work. People in most situation are generally out for your best, so I should strive to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Life is often a challenge and a lonely one at that. With friends and good colleagues, it can be a challenge worth meeting.