Caveat

Caveat: ka-vē-ˌät noun

Etymology: Latin, let him beware, from cavēre

Date: 1533

1: an explanation to prevent misinterpretation : a modifying or cautionary detail to be considered when evaluating, interpreting, or doing something


I am afraid of conflict. In a discussion the other day, I realized that I've not fought with any of my friends or with anyone I've dated. I've certainly had conflict, but in far stranger ways I did not initiate. Today I stayed home to rest and study, but instead I sat pondering. I am afraid of real conflict with myself. Certainly I can feel sorry for myself. But as with any situation that might involve conflict with a friend, man or family, I add in a caveat. I add them out of deference, to bring clarity as best I can and as such, it is a strength. But as with every strength, I have hidden behind it; most notably with myself. My qualities are many and my attitude is well liked, but the question I have spent much of the day chewing on with little success at immediate resolution is this.

Am I the best version of myself?

Only I know the moments that the next step requires all my strength and bravery. And only I know when commanding a meeting is the most cowardly thing I can do. That's the thing about caveat's, you can get so good at them as to blur the initial point and believe what you wish. In a region that drives me crazy with its passive-aggressive behavior, is it not a great hypocrisy to only only be direct when it is easy. To myself, the child, the youth and the growing adult, I pledge to keep trying. Try to be noble, loyal and patient. Try to be vulnerable, joyful and honest. Try to push my body, my mind and my spirit to be authentic and brave. And most importantly to love, with no caveat.