I've been thinking recently that there is another kind of "coming out" related to homosexuality. It is the coming out in support of homosexuality by a heterosexual. While this is far easier to be sure, it does not prevent similar forms of internal confusion, external ridicule and social ostracism.
What happens if a member of my family or someone I grew up with decides to go beyond quietly tolerating me to actually accepting me? Giving up that anti-gay stance would be social suicide and could lead to loss of social acceptance, friends and even employment. My dad could loose fundamentalist patients and my old friends could get kicked out of their jobs at church. My sister's could have the close working relationships with my family jeopardized and their social network obliterated.
Based on these quite possible scenario's, I wonder how I can learn to support them. I have faith that God will open their eyes and give them grace to ease their guilt. I also strongly believe that I am in this position of wrestling between two opposed social constructs to pull them back together. No longer "us" vs "them". But how do I support them when it is me they have hurt? It seems I must be active to reassure that I have already forgiven them and that I understand better than most what they are going through.Anyway, it has been on my mind for the past week and tonight at a gay Bible study it came up. Any ideas are welcome!
2 comments:
I'm so glad you understand what we're wrestling with. Your perspective is really quite amazing and I so appreciate your heart on the matter. Looking forward to hanging out tomorrow my friend!
Hey dude, I just read this blog entry. I'm impressed by your candor and am pretty much in awe that you can fully support those who intentionally dismiss part of your personhood. In that respect, you have much more patience (maybe a little too much) than I'd ever have. I know that my personal/social/spiritual choices are different than most of the people you grew up with, but please know that in circumstances where I'm present to hear you sexuality being judged or questioned I always have--and always will-- support you.
When it comes to making personal sacrifices in order to support those who society chooses to dismiss I often think of a poem written by Pastor Martin Niemöller. I actually first read this on a poster that was in the classroom of my favorite teacher at Rogers High School:
"When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.
When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.
When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.
When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I wasn't a Jew.
When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out."
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